The Comparison Trap
What you see is rarely the whole picture
This week, I interviewed former Editor-in-Chief of MORE Magazine, CoveyClub CEO & Founder, Lesley Jane Seymour for my new podcast (releasing this month – stay tuned). We were talking about transformation stories of the women she’s interviewed over the years – women who have reinvented after 40.
I asked her to share her favorite question to ask them. (I’m no dummy, this woman has interviewed people like Michelle Obama while Lesley was exactly the 3rd person I've interviewed, ever.)
Her answer?
“I really like to ask about the struggle.”
She went on to talk about some of the Hollywood folks she’s interviewed, laughing about the 20+ years of blood, sweat, and tears that happened before their “meteoric rise” into the spotlight.
It made me think about a butterfly I had been watching at Kripalu the week before.
Corny, I know, but I’ve loved Monarch butterflies since I was a little girl. They’ve always felt like they were there just for me – looping and swooping with no apparent plan, just for the beauty and joy of it.
I’ve always thought of them as a reminder to sit back and enjoy the ride a bit.
I never noticed the struggle.
Don’t worry. I’ll spare you the played-out metamorphosis metaphor about how they need to struggle to become a butterfly in the first place…
What surprised me, as I sat at the lake that morning, was how different that carefree flight pattern looked when viewed from a different context.
The butterfly in question had been entertaining me – swirling, twirling, fluttering. I watched intently as it flew farther away, heading out across the lake.
Now the phrase “making a bee-line” made a lot of sense. This butterfly was not making one.
Seen from this perspective, those seemingly carefree loops looked a lot like struggle. How on earth would that tiny little thing flutter it’s way across that huge lake without ever landing?
It seemed monumental.
And then I remembered that it was probably on its way to Mexico.
MEXICO! Over 2,000 miles from where I sat!
It’s so easy for us to see something or someone that we consider beautiful – at apparent ease in their surroundings – and think “lucky duck”. When in reality those ducks are working their tail feathers off beneath the surface of the water they’re gliding on.
This Week:
Breaking the Comparison Trap
When you find that you’re comparing yourself to others…
Remind yourself that you’re only seeing a snippet of their story.
Recall the things you’re grateful for in that moment.
Lean in to your own strengths and visualize the many obstacles you’ve already overcome.
See your whole life as one continuous progression of growth – that living doesn’t come in starts and stops.
Keep your eyes on your prize remember why you’re willing to play all in.
HINT: A few words about struggle - it too is merely perception. Change your story about the experience and you’ll change the experience itself.